Your Coach Doesn’t Have to Say It the Way You Want to Hear It

# Your Coach Doesn't Have to Say It the Way You Want to Hear It

Throughout your volleyball career, you're going to have different coaches.

One may be calm.

Another may be loud.

One may explain everything in great detail.

Another may give you three words and expect you to understand.

One may constantly encourage you.

Another may challenge you.

One may ask questions.

Another may give direct instructions.

You're going to like some styles more than others.

That's normal.

But eventually you have to learn something important:

YOU CANNOT REQUIRE EVERY TEACHER IN YOUR LIFE TO TEACH YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU PREFER.

Part of becoming a mature athlete is learning how to receive information from different people.

That doesn't mean every coaching behavior is acceptable.

It means learning the difference between:

**"This communication style makes me uncomfortable."**

and:

**"This person is treating me inappropriately."**

Those aren't the same thing.

---

# Your Favorite Coach Won't Be Your Only Coach

Maybe you've had a coach who understood you perfectly.

They knew when to challenge you.

When to encourage you.

How to explain things.

How to calm you down.

That's wonderful.

But your next coach may be completely different.

And your college coach someday may be different again.

If your ability to learn depends on having the perfect personality match...

You've made your development very fragile.

Instead, build adaptability.

Ask:

"How does this coach communicate?"

Then learn how to work within that environment.

---

# Different Doesn't Automatically Mean Bad

Your previous coach explained everything.

Your new coach expects you to ask questions.

Different.

Your previous coach rarely raised their voice.

Your new coach is energetic and loud.

Different.

Your previous coach constantly told you when you were doing well.

Your new coach mostly gives corrections.

Different.

Your previous coach gave long technical explanations.

Your new coach says:

**"Feet earlier."**

Different.

Before deciding:

*"I don't like this coach."*

Ask:

"Do I understand how this coach teaches?"

Sometimes frustration comes from unfamiliarity rather than poor coaching.

---

# Learn the Language of Your Coach

Every coach develops a vocabulary.

Maybe Coach says:

**"Beat the ball."**

That means move earlier.

Maybe:

**"See it."**

That means read before reacting.

Maybe:

**"Finish."**

That refers to your platform or movement.

Maybe:

**"Go!"**

That means they want more aggression.

At first, those words may mean very little to you.

Over time, learn the language.

Ask:

**"When you say 'finish,' what exactly do you want me to do?"**

Now you've turned confusion into information.

---

# Don't Expect a Speech Every Time

Sometimes athletes need detailed explanations.

Good coaches should teach.

But there are also moments in competition when there isn't time for a five-minute explanation.

Coach may say:

**"Close the block."**

That's it.

Not because Coach doesn't care.

Because the next serve is coming.

Part of developing volleyball IQ is learning to understand short communication quickly.

Practice is often where you learn the details.

Competition is where those details may become:

**One word.**

---

# Tone Can Distract You From Information

Imagine Coach says loudly:

**"MOVE YOUR FEET!"**

Your brain immediately thinks:

*"Why are they yelling at me?"*

Maybe that's worth discussing later.

But first ask:

"What was the information?"

Move my feet.

Now you have something useful.

If you become so focused on the tone that you completely miss the instruction...

The delivery has taken control of your learning.

Try separating:

DELIVERY

from:

INFORMATION.

Receive the information first.

Then decide whether the delivery actually needs to be addressed.

---

# Direct Doesn't Automatically Mean Angry

Some coaches are extremely direct.

**"That's not good enough."**

**"You're late."**

**"Your effort needs to improve."**

**"You're making the wrong read."**

That may feel harsh if you're used to hearing:

*"You're doing great, but maybe we could try..."*

Neither style is automatically better.

The question is:

**Is the coach addressing something you can improve?**

Direct communication can still be respectful communication.

---

# Encouragement Isn't the Same as Teaching

You may love a coach who constantly says:

*"Great job!"*

Encouragement matters.

Athletes need confidence.

But praise without useful information doesn't always create development.

Imagine two coaches.

One says:

**"Great swing!"**

The other says:

**"Your last three swings were better because your feet were early and you contacted the ball higher."**

Which one gave you more information?

The second coach just taught you something about your success.

Don't measure coaching quality only by how often someone makes you feel good.

Ask:

"Am I learning?"

---

# Correction Isn't Evidence That Coach Dislikes You

Some athletes begin counting.

Coach corrected me six times.

Coach only corrected her twice.

Therefore:

**Coach doesn't like me.**

Maybe.

But there's another possibility.

Coach sees something in you worth developing.

Coach expects more from you.

Coach knows you're capable of making the adjustment.

Coach is trying to prepare you for another level.

Don't automatically turn attention into rejection.

Sometimes demanding coaching is a form of investment.

---

# But Coaches Also Have a Responsibility to Communicate

Adaptability works both ways.

Athletes should learn different coaching styles.

But coaches should also work to understand their athletes.

Great coaching isn't:

**"This is just who I am. Deal with it."**

A great coach recognizes that different athletes may require different approaches.

One athlete may respond to direct challenge.

Another may need more explanation.

Another may need confidence.

Another may need accountability.

Another may need space to process.

Coaching is teaching.

And great teachers learn their students.

So yes, athletes should adapt.

**Coaches should too.**

---

# You Can Help Your Coach Understand You

This is where mature communication becomes valuable.

Maybe you genuinely don't understand something.

Tell Coach.

Not:

*"You don't explain anything."*

Try:

**"Coach, I understand better when I can see the movement. Can you show me what you're looking for?"**

Maybe you need clarification.

**"When you say I'm late, is it my first step or my transition?"**

Maybe you're confused about your role.

**"Can we talk after practice about exactly what you need from me?"**

That's not weakness.

That's communication.

---

# Don't Ask Your Parents to Translate Every Coaching Relationship

As athletes get older, they need to begin developing their own communication skills.

If you're confused...

Try asking Coach.

If you need feedback...

Try asking Coach.

If you don't understand your role...

Try asking Coach.

If you disagree with something...

Learn how to have the conversation.

Your parents can absolutely support and guide you.

And there are situations where adult involvement is necessary.

But if Mom or Dad has to solve every normal communication problem between you and your coach...

You're missing an opportunity to develop an important life skill.

---

# Learn to Have the Conversation

Maybe something has been bothering you.

Don't let it build for two months.

Choose an appropriate time.

Then try:

**"Coach, can I ask you about something?"**

Explain the situation without attacking.

Instead of:

*"You're always yelling at me."*

Try:

**"Sometimes when I get corrected quickly, I don't understand what you want me to change. Could you help me understand what you're seeing?"**

Now you've created a conversation.

Communication should solve problems.

Not create new ones.

---

# Discomfort Is Not Automatically Harm

This distinction is extremely important.

You may feel uncomfortable because Coach:

Holds you accountable.

Corrects you.

Raises expectations.

Tells you something you don't want to hear.

Challenges your effort.

Makes you compete for your position.

Doesn't guarantee playing time.

Asks you to do difficult things.

Those experiences may be uncomfortable.

That doesn't automatically make them harmful.

Growth often includes discomfort.

---

# But Harm Should Not Be Excused as “Tough Coaching”

There is another side to this.

Being coachable does not mean accepting everything an adult says or does.

Humiliation is not a teaching method athletes simply have to tolerate.

Neither are threats, discriminatory comments, degrading personal attacks, unsafe training demands, or behavior that crosses appropriate boundaries.

There is a difference between:

**"Your effort isn't good enough."**

and:

**"You are worthless."**

One addresses a behavior.

The other attacks a person.

There is a difference between demanding excellence and degrading an athlete.

Learning to handle direct coaching should never become an excuse for adults to treat athletes without dignity.

---

# Know When to Ask for Help

If something genuinely feels inappropriate, unsafe, threatening, degrading, or repeatedly crosses boundaries...

Talk to a trusted adult.

That might be:

A parent.

Club director.

School administrator.

Athletic director.

Another trusted coach.

You do not have to personally solve every serious situation.

Maturity includes knowing when something requires help.

---

# Don't Label Every Uncomfortable Interaction as Toxic

At the same time, be careful with powerful words.

Coach telling you:

**"Your effort wasn't acceptable today."**

isn't automatically toxic.

Being benched isn't automatically toxic.

Being corrected loudly isn't automatically abusive.

Being expected to follow team rules isn't mistreatment.

Disagreeing with your coach doesn't automatically mean the environment is unhealthy.

Words matter.

Learn to evaluate situations accurately rather than using extreme labels for ordinary discomfort.

---

# Ask Three Questions

When you're struggling with a coach's communication, ask:

1. WHAT IS THE MESSAGE?

What is Coach actually asking me to change?

2. IS THE MESSAGE ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE OR MY WORTH?

Are they correcting something I can improve—or attacking me personally?

3. DO I NEED CLARIFICATION, A CONVERSATION, OR HELP?

Those are three very different responses.

Sometimes you need to:

**Apply the correction.**

Sometimes you need to:

**Talk with Coach.**

Sometimes you need to:

**Talk with a trusted adult.**

Learning the difference is emotional maturity.

---

# The Real World Will Have Different Communicators Too

This lesson goes far beyond volleyball.

Someday you'll have:

Professors.

Bosses.

Coworkers.

Mentors.

Clients.

Supervisors.

Not all of them will communicate the way you prefer.

Some will be direct.

Some detailed.

Some quiet.

Some demanding.

Some easier to understand than others.

Learning how to communicate across different personalities is one of the most valuable skills sports can teach you.

Volleyball is giving you practice.

Use it.

---

# From the Sideline

I've coached athletes with completely different personalities.

Some needed me to challenge them.

Some needed me to slow down and explain.

Some needed confidence.

Some needed accountability.

Some needed to understand why.

And part of my responsibility as a coach was learning those differences.

But I also wanted something from my athletes.

I wanted them to learn me too.

Understand what I mean when I say something.

Ask me when they don't understand.

Tell me when they need clarification.

Have conversations instead of making assumptions.

That's where strong coach-athlete relationships are built.

Not because both people communicate perfectly.

But because both people are willing to work at understanding each other.

---

# CoachMikeDZ's Advice

You're going to have coaches you love.

You're going to have coaches you don't connect with as easily.

Learn from both.

Don't require every person who teaches you to package the lesson exactly the way you want.

Sometimes valuable information comes from someone whose personality is completely different from yours.

Find the lesson.

But also understand this:

**Respect works both ways.**

Athletes should be coachable.

Coaches should be teachable too.

A coach should continue learning how to reach athletes.

An athlete should continue learning how to receive coaching.

When both people do that...

You have the foundation for something powerful.

---

# YOUR CHALLENGE

This week, you're going to study your coach's communication style.

Not judge it.

Study it.

After practice, answer:

HOW DOES MY COACH USUALLY TEACH?

Do they:

Explain?

Demonstrate?

Ask questions?

Use short cue words?

Challenge?

Encourage?

Correct immediately?

Talk after the repetition?

Write down what you notice.

---

WHAT COMMUNICATION HELPS ME LEARN BEST?

Be honest.

Maybe you learn best when:

You see a demonstration.

Someone explains why.

You receive one cue at a time.

You can ask questions.

You receive immediate feedback.

---

WHERE IS THE GAP?

Finish this sentence:

**"Sometimes I struggle to understand Coach when..."**

________________________

Now don't complain about the gap.

Try to solve it.

Ask one productive question this week.

For example:

**"Coach, when you say ______, what exactly do you want me to change?"**

or:

**"Could you show me what you're looking for?"**

or:

**"Can I ask you after practice about my role in that situation?"**

Then see what happens.

You're practicing something bigger than volleyball.

You're learning how to communicate with someone who may not communicate exactly like you.

That's a skill you'll use for the rest of your life.

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# Key Takeaways

• Every coach communicates differently.
• Athletes should develop the ability to learn from more than one coaching style.
• Different does not automatically mean bad.
• Learn your coach's vocabulary and expectations.
• Separate delivery from useful information when possible.
• Direct communication is not automatically disrespectful.
• Praise and teaching are not the same thing.
• Coaches should adapt to athletes just as athletes learn to adapt to coaches.
• Athletes should increasingly learn to communicate directly with coaches.
• Discomfort and harmful treatment are not the same thing.
• Demanding coaching does not justify humiliation, threats, discrimination, unsafe behavior, or personal degradation.
• Use accurate language when evaluating difficult coaching situations.
• Learn when to apply the correction, when to have a conversation, and when to seek help.
• Communicating with different personalities is a skill that extends far beyond sports.

---

# NEXT: SEEK FEEDBACK INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR IT

So far, most of our conversations about feedback have started the same way:

**The coach gives you feedback.**

Now we're going to change that.

What if you stopped waiting?

What if you walked up to your coach and asked:

**"What's one thing I need to get better at?"**

What if you asked the question knowing you might not like the answer?

That's a different level of coachability.

Next:

# Seek Feedback Instead of Waiting for It

Because eventually the athlete who truly wants to grow stops hoping everyone will tell them they're doing well.

**They start searching for the truth that can make them better.**