What to Do When You Disagree With Your Coach

# What to Do When You Disagree With Your Coach

Eventually, it's going to happen.

Your coach makes a decision...

And you think they're wrong.

Maybe Coach tells you:

**"You need to change your footwork."**

But another coach taught you differently.

Maybe you're taken out of a match.

You don't understand why.

Maybe Coach tells you that your effort wasn't good enough.

You believe it was.

Maybe you're told you're not ready for a certain role.

You disagree.

Maybe Coach explains what happened on a play...

And you saw something completely different.

Now what?

Do you argue?

Stay silent?

Complain to teammates?

Tell your parents Coach doesn't know what they're doing?

Ignore the instruction?

Pretend you agree?

None of those are particularly useful.

Here's what I want you to understand:

BEING COACHABLE DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO DISAGREE.

You are allowed to think.

You are allowed to ask questions.

You are allowed to have a perspective.

But maturity requires learning what to do with disagreement.

---

# Start With the Possibility That You Might Be Wrong

This is one of the most powerful habits you can develop.

When you disagree with someone, begin with:

"I MIGHT BE WRONG."

Not:

*"I'm definitely wrong."*

Not:

*"Coach is always right."*

Simply:

**"There may be something here that I don't see."**

Your coach may have information you don't have.

They may be seeing the entire court while you're seeing your position.

They may know the game plan.

They may understand something about the opponent.

They may be thinking about the next rotation.

They may be managing something involving another player.

They may have seen a pattern you haven't recognized.

Before deciding Coach is wrong...

Get curious.

---

# Your Perspective Is Real—But It Is Still a Perspective

You know what you experienced.

That's valuable.

But you experienced the game from one location.

Your coach experienced it from another.

Your teammate saw another angle.

Film may show something else entirely.

Two people can honestly experience the same situation differently.

That's why mature communication begins with:

**"Here's what I saw."**

rather than:

**"Here's what happened."**

That small difference leaves room for learning.

---

# Ask Before You Accuse

Compare these two approaches.

APPROACH ONE

*"Why did you take me out? I wasn't doing anything wrong."*

Now Coach immediately has to defend the decision.

Try:

APPROACH TWO

**"Coach, can you help me understand what you were seeing when you took me out?"**

Same disagreement.

Completely different conversation.

One starts with accusation.

The other starts with curiosity.

---

# Don't Have the Argument During the Match

Timing matters.

You get substituted.

You're furious.

You walk toward Coach and demand an explanation.

Meanwhile...

The match is still happening.

Your teammates are competing.

Coach is making decisions.

That's usually not the time.

Unless Coach needs to communicate something immediately, stay engaged with your team.

Then later ask:

**"Coach, when you have time, can we talk about what you needed from me there?"**

Learning when to have a conversation is part of learning how to communicate.

---

# Never Use Your Teammates as Your Jury

You disagree with Coach.

So you start asking teammates:

*"You thought that was wrong too, right?"*

Now you're recruiting people to your side.

That's dangerous.

You aren't solving the disagreement.

You're creating division.

Your teammates shouldn't have to choose between you and the coach.

If you have a problem with Coach...

Talk to Coach.

Don't build a courtroom in the locker room.

---

# Don't Let the Car Ride Become the Courtroom Either

You're upset after the match.

You get into the car.

Your parents ask:

*"What happened?"*

You say:

*"Coach has no idea what they're doing."*

Now everyone starts building a case.

Be careful.

Your parents should absolutely listen to you.

They should support you.

But a healthy first question might be:

"Have you talked to your coach about it?"

As athletes get older, you should increasingly learn to have appropriate conversations yourself.

That's part of growing up.

---

# Ask Questions That Create Understanding

If you disagree, ask questions that help you see the coach's perspective.

Try:

**"What were you seeing?"**

**"What did you want me to do differently?"**

**"What would I need to improve to earn that opportunity?"**

**"Can you explain why you want me using that technique?"**

**"What does success in this role look like to you?"**

**"Can we watch the film together?"**

Notice what those questions do.

They turn disagreement into information.

---

# Explain Your Perspective Without Attacking

There are times when you should explain what you saw.

That's okay.

Try:

**"Can I tell you what I was reading on that play?"**

or:

**"I thought the hitter was showing line. What were you seeing?"**

or:

**"Another coach taught me that footwork differently. Can you help me understand why you prefer this version?"**

You're still expressing your opinion.

But you're doing it in a way that keeps the conversation open.

---

# Learn the Difference Between a Question and a Challenge

Tone matters.

There is a difference between:

**"Why are we doing it this way?"**

because you genuinely want to understand...

and:

*"Why are we doing it THIS way?"*

because you're trying to show everyone Coach is wrong.

Same words.

Different purpose.

Before asking, check yourself:

"AM I TRYING TO LEARN OR AM I TRYING TO WIN?"

That's an important question.

---

# You May Still Disagree After the Conversation

This is where maturity becomes difficult.

You ask.

Coach explains.

You understand the reasoning.

And you still think Coach is wrong.

That can happen.

Understanding someone does not require agreeing with them.

You may leave thinking:

**"I understand why Coach made the decision. I still would have done something different."**

That's okay.

Now comes the next question:

"CAN I RESPECT THE DECISION EVEN THOUGH I DISAGREE?"

Sometimes that's exactly what being part of a team requires.

---

# You Don't Get to Make Every Decision

This is an uncomfortable truth.

You may disagree with:

The lineup.

Your position.

Playing time.

Offensive system.

Serving strategy.

Defensive assignments.

Practice structure.

Team rules.

But the coach is responsible for making many of those decisions.

You are allowed to ask questions.

You are allowed to seek understanding.

You are allowed to advocate for yourself appropriately.

But being on a team sometimes means following a decision you would not personally make.

That's part of team sports.

---

# Acceptance Is Not the Same as Agreement

This is important.

You can say:

**"I don't agree with the decision, but I understand my responsibility."**

That's maturity.

Acceptance means:

**This is the current reality. What do I do next?**

Maybe you aren't starting.

Okay.

What now?

Train.

Support your teammates.

Ask what you need to improve.

Prepare for your opportunity.

Compete.

You can spend weeks fighting reality...

Or start working from it.

---

# Don't Protest Through Your Effort

This is one of the worst responses an athlete can have.

You don't like the decision.

So your effort drops.

You stop communicating.

You become a bad teammate.

You barely participate in practice.

You show Coach:

*"If you don't give me what I want, I'm not giving you my best."*

Think about what you're actually proving.

You're not demonstrating that Coach made the wrong decision.

You may be giving Coach more reasons to question your readiness.

Never use your effort as revenge.

---

# Don't Protest Through Your Body Language

Same idea.

You get benched.

Arms crossed.

Sitting away from everyone.

No cheering.

No eye contact.

You want Coach to know you're unhappy.

Trust me.

Everyone knows.

But now scouts, teammates, parents, and coaches are also learning something about how you respond when you don't get what you want.

That's a much bigger issue than one substitution.

---

# Disagreement Can Actually Improve Relationships

This may surprise you.

A respectful disagreement can build trust.

An athlete says:

**"Coach, I didn't understand that decision. Can we talk about it?"**

You talk.

Both people listen.

Maybe Coach explains something.

Maybe the athlete provides information Coach didn't know.

Maybe both understand each other better.

Strong relationships aren't relationships where people never disagree.

They're relationships where disagreement can happen without destroying respect.

That's an important life skill.

---

# Coaches Can Be Wrong

Let's say this clearly.

Coaches are human.

They make mistakes.

They misread situations.

They communicate poorly sometimes.

They choose the wrong lineup.

They teach something that later needs adjusting.

They misunderstand an athlete.

They make emotional decisions.

A coach's title does not make them automatically correct.

Good coaches understand this.

One of the most powerful things a coach can tell a player is:

**"I was wrong."**

Athletes should be willing to say it.

Coaches should too.

---

# Respect Doesn't Mean Silence

There may be situations where speaking up is important.

Maybe there is confusion affecting the team.

Maybe Coach misunderstood something.

Maybe you were given conflicting instructions.

Maybe you genuinely need clarity about your role.

Respectful athletes aren't silent robots.

They communicate.

The goal is learning how to do it productively.

---

# Know When the Issue Is Bigger Than Volleyball

Some disagreements are normal sports disagreements.

Playing time.

Lineups.

Technique.

Strategy.

Roles.

Others are different.

If you believe something is:

Unsafe.

Threatening.

Discriminatory.

Humiliating.

Inappropriate.

Or repeatedly crossing reasonable boundaries...

This is no longer simply:

**"I disagree with Coach."**

Talk to a trusted adult.

Parent.

Club director.

Athletic director.

School administrator.

Another trusted coach.

There are situations young athletes should not be expected to handle alone.

Knowing the difference is important.

---

# Try the 24-Hour Test

When emotions are high, your interpretation may change.

If the issue isn't urgent or related to safety, give yourself some time.

Ask yourself the next day:

**"Do I still feel the same way?"**

**"What exactly am I upset about?"**

**"What do I want to understand?"**

**"What outcome am I hoping for?"**

Now you're much more prepared for a productive conversation.

You aren't simply bringing emotion.

You're bringing a question.

---

# Come to the Conversation With a Goal

Don't walk in simply wanting to tell Coach you're angry.

Know what you're trying to learn.

Maybe:

**"I want to understand why I'm not playing."**

Better:

**"I want to understand what I need to improve to compete for more playing time."**

See the difference?

One focuses on the decision.

The other focuses on development.

Whenever possible, move the conversation toward:

"WHAT CAN I DO NEXT?"

---

# What If Coach Won't Give You the Answer You Want?

Maybe you ask:

**"What do I need to do to start?"**

Coach tells you.

You don't like the answer.

That doesn't mean the conversation failed.

The goal wasn't getting the answer you wanted.

The goal was getting information.

Now decide what you're going to do with it.

---

# From the Sideline

I've never expected every player I've coached to agree with every decision I made.

That would be unrealistic.

I've had athletes question me.

I've had athletes see something differently.

I've had athletes bring information to me that changed my thinking.

And yes...

I've been wrong.

A coach who has been doing this long enough should have enough humility to admit that.

But there's a huge difference between an athlete who says:

*"Coach, can we talk about what happened?"*

and an athlete who undermines the team because they disagree.

One is communication.

The other is destruction.

I want athletes who think.

I want athletes who ask questions.

I want athletes who understand the game.

And eventually, intelligent athletes are going to disagree with me sometimes.

Good.

Let's talk.

But when the conversation ends, we still have to be a team.

---

# CoachMikeDZ's Advice

Don't confuse respect with blind obedience.

And don't confuse independence with disrespect.

You can have your own mind.

You can disagree.

You can ask difficult questions.

You can advocate for yourself.

But learn to do those things without destroying relationships around you.

Before you react, ask:

"WHAT AM I TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH?"

If you want understanding...

Ask.

If you need clarification...

Ask.

If you want feedback...

Ask.

If something serious is wrong...

Get help.

But if your goal is simply proving Coach wrong...

You're probably not ready for the conversation yet.

Take the emotion down.

Bring the curiosity up.

Then talk.

That's maturity.

---

# YOUR CHALLENGE

Think of **one coaching decision you've disagreed with.**

It can be current or from the past.

Write it down.

WHAT DID I DISAGREE WITH?

________________________

Now answer:

WHAT DID I ACTUALLY KNOW?

Facts only.

________________________

WHAT DID I ASSUME?

________________________

WHAT INFORMATION MIGHT THE COACH HAVE HAD THAT I DIDN'T?

________________________

Now write the question you **wanted** to ask in the moment.

________________________

Then rewrite it as a question designed to create understanding.

Instead of:

**"Why aren't you playing me?"**

Try:

**"What do I need to improve to earn more opportunities?"**

Instead of:

**"Why do you keep correcting me?"**

Try:

**"What pattern are you seeing that I haven't fixed yet?"**

Instead of:

**"Why are we doing this?"**

Try:

**"Can you help me understand what we're trying to accomplish with this?"**

Finally ask yourself:

IF I STILL DISAGREE AFTER HEARING THE ANSWER, CAN I RESPOND WITH MATURITY?

That's the real challenge.

Because communication isn't proven when someone gives you the answer you wanted.

**It's proven by what you do when they don't.**

---

# Key Takeaways

• Being coachable does not require agreeing with everything your coach says.
• Start disagreements with the possibility that you may be missing information.
• Your perspective is valuable, but it is still one perspective.
• Ask questions before making accusations.
• Choose the right time for difficult conversations.
• Don't recruit teammates or parents to prove your coach wrong.
• Explain what you saw without attacking the coach's perspective.
• Understand the difference between asking a question and issuing a challenge.
• You can understand a decision and still disagree with it.
• Acceptance and agreement are not the same thing.
• Never use poor effort or body language to protest a decision.
• Respectful disagreement can strengthen relationships.
• Coaches can be wrong and should possess the humility to admit it.
• Serious safety or inappropriate-conduct concerns should be brought to a trusted adult.
• Focus difficult conversations on what you can do next.

---

# NEXT: WOULD YOU WANT TO BE YOUR OWN TEAMMATE?

We've spent this section learning how to be coached.

Now we're going to turn your attention away from your coach...

And toward the people standing beside you.

Your teammates.

Here's the question:

IF FIVE OTHER PLAYERS TREATED YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR TEAMMATES, WHAT KIND OF TEAM WOULD YOU HAVE?

Would they celebrate you?

Communicate with you?

Tell you the truth?

Support you when you're struggling?

Stay engaged when they're not playing?

Or would they complain, withdraw, blame, compete for attention, and disappear when things become difficult?

We're entering the next part of the series:

# BEING A GREAT TEAMMATE

And we're starting with a question every athlete should occasionally have the courage to ask:

# Would You Want to Be Your Own Teammate?