What Is This Trying to Teach Me?

# What Is This Trying to Teach Me?

You didn't make the team.

You lost the starting position.

Your team got embarrassed.

You played badly when you wanted to play well.

Someone you thought you were better than passed you.

You weren't selected for the award.

The college you wanted isn't interested.

Your coach told you something about yourself that you didn't want to hear.

Those moments hurt.

And when they happen, one question comes naturally:

**"Why is this happening to me?"**

I want to teach you another question.

"What is this trying to teach me?"

That question doesn't make disappointment disappear.

It does something more useful.

**It gives you somewhere to go with it.**

---

# Adversity Doesn't Automatically Make You Better

You've probably heard:

*"Adversity makes you stronger."*

Not necessarily.

Adversity can make you stronger.

It can also make you:

Bitter.

Defensive.

Angry.

Jealous.

Afraid.

Full of excuses.

Some athletes experience adversity and grow.

Others experience the same adversity and spend months blaming everyone around them.

The difficult experience isn't what creates growth.

**What you do with the experience creates growth.**

---

# Stop Asking Only "Why?"

Sometimes there really is a reason something happened.

Maybe you weren't ready.

Maybe someone else performed better.

Maybe you weren't consistent.

Maybe your effort wasn't good enough.

Maybe you weren't what that particular team needed.

And sometimes...

You may never completely understand the reason.

That's why:

**"Why did this happen to me?"**

can become a trap.

You can spend months trying to answer a question that doesn't change your future.

Try adding another question:

"What can I learn from what happened?"

Now you're moving again.

---

# Getting Benched Can Teach You

Imagine you've been starting all season.

Then one weekend...

You're not.

You're angry.

Maybe embarrassed.

Maybe your parents are upset too.

Your first instinct may be:

*"Coach doesn't believe in me."*

But what if you became curious instead?

Ask:

**"What is this situation exposing?"**

Maybe your performance has become inconsistent.

Maybe another player improved.

Maybe your communication isn't strong enough.

Maybe the team needs something different.

Maybe Coach sees a weakness you haven't recognized.

Or maybe you disagree with the decision.

Even then, there is still something to learn.

Can you stay engaged?

Can you support the person playing your position?

Can you prepare?

Can you have a mature conversation with your coach?

Can you compete for the position without becoming a bad teammate?

Suddenly being benched is teaching you much more than volleyball.

---

# Getting Cut Can Teach You

Getting cut hurts.

There's no need to pretend otherwise.

You wanted something.

Someone told you:

**Not this time.**

You can decide that means:

*"I'm not good enough."*

Or you can ask:

**"What does this show me about where I am right now?"**

Notice those words:

RIGHT NOW.

A team selection is an evaluation of a moment.

It doesn't have to become a prediction of your entire future.

Ask for feedback.

Study your weaknesses.

Improve.

Then decide whether you're willing to do the work necessary to try again.

Rejection can become an ending.

Or information.

---

# Losing Can Teach You

Winning can hide problems.

Losing often exposes them.

That's why losses can be valuable teachers if you're willing to look at them.

Instead of:

*"We sucked."*

Ask:

**"What broke down?"**

Did communication disappear?

Did your team stop serving aggressively?

Could you not score out of system?

Did your team become emotional?

Did players begin blaming each other?

Did your effort change?

Did leadership disappear?

Now the loss has given you information.

The scoreboard told you who won.

**Your reflection should tell you why.**

---

# Being Outplayed Can Teach You

Eventually, you're going to meet someone better than you.

Maybe much better.

Don't waste the opportunity.

Instead of feeling threatened by them...

Study them.

What do they do earlier?

Faster?

More consistently?

What decisions are they making?

How do they move?

How do they communicate?

How do they respond after mistakes?

What does their preparation look like?

The athlete who just outplayed you may have handed you a roadmap.

Don't be too embarrassed to read it.

---

# Criticism Can Teach You

Sometimes someone tells you something you don't want to hear.

Maybe:

*"Your effort isn't consistent."*

*"Your body language hurts the team."*

*"You're difficult to coach when you're frustrated."*

*"You're not communicating."*

*"You aren't ready for that level yet."*

Your first instinct may be to defend yourself.

Before you do, ask:

"What if there's something here I need to hear?"

That doesn't mean every criticism is automatically correct.

People can misunderstand you.

People can be wrong.

But dismissing every uncomfortable message because you dislike hearing it is dangerous.

Separate:

**How the message made you feel**

from:

**Whether the message contains useful information.**

We'll go much deeper into receiving criticism later in this series.

For now, learn to investigate before you reject.

---

# Sometimes the Lesson Is About Your Preparation

You didn't perform well.

Before blaming pressure, coaching, teammates, or circumstances, examine the days before the competition.

Did you sleep?

Did you hydrate?

Did you eat properly?

Did you prepare?

Were you focused in practice?

Did you train your weaknesses?

Did you arrive mentally ready?

Sometimes adversity isn't revealing bad luck.

**It's revealing bad preparation.**

That's uncomfortable.

It's also useful.

Because preparation is something you can change.

---

# Sometimes the Lesson Is Patience

You want everything now.

More playing time.

A bigger role.

A scholarship.

Recognition.

A starting position.

Better results.

But development doesn't always move on your schedule.

Sometimes the lesson isn't:

**Work harder.**

Sometimes it's:

**Keep working longer.**

Those are different lessons.

You can be doing the right things and still need time.

Learning patience without becoming passive is part of development.

---

# Sometimes the Lesson Is Humility

You thought you were ready.

You weren't.

That's okay.

Maybe you were the best player on your previous team.

Now you're surrounded by better athletes.

Good.

Your environment has changed.

You can protect your ego...

Or expand your game.

Humility isn't thinking poorly of yourself.

It's being willing to see yourself accurately enough to continue improving.

---

# Sometimes the Lesson Has Nothing to Do With Volleyball

Maybe you don't need a better arm swing.

Maybe the experience is teaching you:

Patience.

Empathy.

Discipline.

Responsibility.

Communication.

Humility.

Courage.

Forgiveness.

How to lose.

How to support someone else.

How to work when nobody rewards you.

Those lessons may eventually become more valuable than anything you learned about volleyball.

---

# Don't Rush to Find a Happy Ending

Growth mindset does not mean every disappointment needs an immediate inspirational ending.

Sometimes things hurt.

Let them hurt.

You don't have to say:

*"Everything happens for a reason."*

You don't have to pretend you're happy you failed.

You can be disappointed.

Then, when you're ready, become curious.

Ask:

**"What can I take from this?"**

That's different from pretending the experience didn't matter.

---

# Turn Experiences Into Adjustments

Reflection without action isn't enough.

If you learned:

**"I need to communicate more."**

Then communicate.

If you learned:

**"I'm not physically strong enough yet."**

Build a training plan.

If you learned:

**"My attitude changes when I'm not playing."**

Work on it.

If you learned:

**"I struggle against faster offenses."**

Train it.

The lesson becomes valuable when it changes your behavior.

EXPERIENCE → REFLECTION → LESSON → ACTION

That's growth.

---

# Don't Learn the Same Lesson Forever

Sometimes life keeps giving athletes the same lesson because they keep refusing to learn it.

Coach after coach tells you:

*"Your body language needs to improve."*

At some point, stop saying:

*"Every coach has a problem with me."*

Maybe there is a pattern.

Different teams.

Different coaches.

Same feedback.

Pay attention.

If the same problem keeps following you into different environments...

It's worth asking whether the environment is really the problem.

---

# Growth Requires Enough Humility to Look in the Mirror

This is difficult.

It's much easier to evaluate everyone else.

Coach should have...

My teammate should have...

My parents should have...

The referee should have...

The club should have...

Maybe.

But growth begins when you can also ask:

"What about me?"

What could I have done better?

What did I contribute?

What didn't I understand?

What do I need to change?

That's not weakness.

That's ownership.

---

# From the Sideline

Over the years, I've watched athletes go through difficult situations that felt devastating at the time.

They didn't make the team.

They lost their position.

They struggled.

They were told they weren't ready.

And I've watched what happened next.

Some spent all their energy proving everyone else was wrong.

Others became curious.

They asked:

*"What do I need to get better at?"*

Then they went to work.

Those experiences became turning points.

Not because getting cut was good.

Not because sitting was fun.

Not because losing didn't hurt.

But because the athlete refused to waste the lesson.

That's what I want for you.

You don't control every experience volleyball gives you.

**But you can decide whether you leave that experience empty-handed.**

---

# CoachMikeDZ's Advice

When something difficult happens, I don't expect you to smile and immediately say:

*"This is wonderful! I'm growing!"*

That's not real.

Be disappointed.

Be frustrated.

Care.

Then eventually ask:

"What is this trying to teach me?"

And don't settle for an easy answer.

Maybe the lesson isn't:

*"Coach was wrong."*

Maybe it's:

*"I need to get better."*

Maybe it isn't:

*"My teammate let me down."*

Maybe it's:

*"I need to communicate better."*

Maybe it isn't:

*"Nobody believes in me."*

Maybe it's:

*"I need to keep working even when nobody is rewarding me yet."*

Be brave enough to search for the lesson that requires something from you.

That's usually where the growth is.

---

# YOUR CHALLENGE

Think about **one difficult volleyball experience you've had recently.**

Choose something that still bothers you.

Maybe:

• You didn't make a team.
• You lost playing time.
• You played badly.
• Your team lost.
• You received difficult feedback.
• Someone passed you on the depth chart.
• You weren't selected for something you wanted.

Write down:

WHAT HAPPENED?

Describe only the facts.

No blame.

No excuses.

Just what happened.

---

HOW DID I RESPOND?

Be honest.

Did you:

Get angry?

Withdraw?

Blame someone?

Work harder?

Ask questions?

Avoid thinking about it?

---

WHAT DID THIS EXPERIENCE REVEAL?

This is the difficult part.

What did you learn about:

Your preparation?

Your skill?

Your attitude?

Your communication?

Your habits?

Your expectations?

Your character?

---

WHAT IS IT TRYING TO TEACH ME?

Write one sentence.

Then finish with:

WHAT WILL I DO DIFFERENTLY?

Choose **one action**.

Not ten.

One.

Do it this week.

Because the goal isn't simply understanding the lesson.

**The goal is allowing the lesson to change you.**

---

# Key Takeaways

• Adversity does not automatically create growth.
• Your response determines whether a difficult experience becomes useful.
• Being benched, losing, getting cut, and being outplayed can all contain information.
• Not every criticism is correct, but uncomfortable feedback deserves examination.
• Failure can expose weaknesses in preparation.
• Some development requires patience rather than immediate results.
• Humility allows you to see yourself accurately enough to improve.
• Some of sports' greatest lessons have nothing to do with the sport itself.
• Reflection must eventually produce action.
• Repeated feedback may reveal a pattern worth examining.
• Don't waste difficult experiences by refusing to look for the lesson.

---

# NEXT: GET COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE

You've learned how to find lessons inside difficult experiences.

But what if you didn't wait for difficulty to find you?

What if you intentionally walked toward it?

What if you trained against better players?

Practiced the skill you hate?

Asked for harder repetitions?

Entered environments where you weren't the best athlete anymore?

That's where we're going next.

# Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Because your comfort zone has an important purpose:

**It shows you where you've already been.**

Your next level usually requires you to go somewhere else.