Don't Rob Your Athlete of the Struggle

# Don't Rob Your Athlete of the Struggle

Every parent wants to protect their child.

It's one of the most natural instincts we have.

When they cry...

We want to comfort them.

When they fail...

We want to fix it.

When they're disappointed...

We want to make the pain go away.

There's nothing wrong with that.

It's love.

But after more than 25 years of coaching, I've learned something that completely changed how I viewed youth sports.

Sometimes...

The greatest gift we can give our children is allowing them to struggle.

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Growth Lives Just Outside Comfort

Think back to the moments that shaped your own life.

They probably weren't the easiest moments.

They were the difficult conversations.

The setbacks.

The failures.

The moments when you questioned yourself.

Those experiences forced you to grow.

Our athletes deserve the same opportunity.

If we remove every obstacle from their path, we also remove many of the lessons those obstacles were designed to teach.

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Every Problem Doesn't Need a Parent

Sometimes an athlete has a disagreement with a teammate.

Sometimes they don't play as much as they hoped.

Sometimes they receive difficult coaching.

Sometimes they don't make the team they wanted.

Our first instinct is often to step in.

But before you do...

Ask yourself:

**"Is this something my child is capable of learning to handle?"**

If the answer is yes...

Walk beside them.

Don't walk for them.

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Confidence Comes From Solving Problems

Imagine two athletes.

The first has every problem solved by an adult.

The second is encouraged, supported, and coached through solving problems on their own.

Five years later...

Who do you think believes in themselves more?

Confidence isn't built because life is easy.

Confidence is built because we've survived difficult moments before.

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Let Them Be Uncomfortable

Discomfort isn't always a sign something is wrong.

Sometimes it's evidence that growth is happening.

Learning a new skill is uncomfortable.

Trying out for a team is uncomfortable.

Speaking to a coach is uncomfortable.

Competing against better athletes is uncomfortable.

Life is filled with uncomfortable moments.

Sports simply allow us to practice handling them while the stakes are still relatively small.

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Rescue Less. Support More.

Supporting your athlete doesn't always mean solving the problem.

Sometimes support sounds like:

*"I know this is hard."*

*"I believe you can handle this."*

*"What do you think your next step should be?"*

Those questions communicate trust.

And when children know we trust them...

They begin trusting themselves.

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From the Sideline

One season, a player came to me after practice frustrated because she wasn't playing as much as she wanted.

She was disappointed.

Her parents were disappointed too.

Instead of demanding answers or asking me to fix it, her parents did something remarkable.

They encouraged their daughter to schedule a conversation with me herself.

She came into my office nervous.

She asked thoughtful questions.

She listened.

She left with a plan.

Over the next several months, she worked harder than ever before.

By the end of the season, she had earned a starting position.

But that's not the part I remember.

I remember watching a young athlete realize she could solve difficult problems without someone doing it for her.

That lesson was far bigger than volleyball.

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Ask Yourself This

Before stepping in, ask:

• Am I protecting my child...
• ...or protecting them from growth?

Those are two very different things.

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Common Mistakes Parents Make

• Solving problems too quickly.
• Speaking for athletes who can speak for themselves.
• Removing every obstacle.
• Confusing discomfort with danger.
• Believing struggle always means something is wrong.

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Key Takeaways

• Growth requires adversity.
• Confidence is built by overcoming challenges.
• Parents should support, not always rescue.
• Struggle often produces the strongest life lessons.
• The goal isn't to remove every obstacle—it's to help athletes learn to overcome them.

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Frequently Asked Questions

When should parents step in?

If an athlete's safety, well-being, or dignity is at risk, parents should absolutely advocate for their child.

But many everyday challenges—difficult conversations, limited playing time, learning new skills—are opportunities for growth when handled with support.

Isn't it my job to protect my child?

Absolutely.

But protection and rescue are not always the same thing.

Protect your child from harm.

Don't protect them from every opportunity to grow.

How do I know if my athlete is ready to handle something on their own?

Ask yourself whether the situation is age-appropriate and whether they can learn from it with your encouragement nearby.

Often, they are more capable than we realize.

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Continue Learning

• Confidence Isn't Built by Winning
• The Car Ride Home
• Your Athlete Is Always Watching
• Accountability Begins at Home
• Failure Is Feedback

The strongest athletes aren't the ones who never struggle.

They're the ones who discover they can overcome it.