Control What You Can Control

# Control What You Can Control

You didn't start.

The referee made a terrible call.

Your setter isn't setting you enough.

Your teammate keeps making mistakes.

Your parents are frustrated.

The other team is talking.

A college coach walked past your court.

Your ranking changed.

Your team got placed in a difficult pool.

You don't like your position.

You don't agree with your coach.

Some of those things may matter.

Some may even be unfair.

But before you give them your attention, ask yourself one question:

**"Can I control this?"**

Because one of the fastest ways to lose focus as an athlete is spending your energy trying to control things that were never yours to control.

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# Imagine You Have 100 Units of Energy

Imagine waking up every morning with 100 units of mental energy.

That's all you get.

Now imagine spending:

20 worrying about playing time.

15 wondering what your coach thinks about you.

10 thinking about another player's ranking.

15 being angry about yesterday's lineup.

10 worrying about college coaches.

10 thinking about what your parents will say after the match.

You haven't even started competing...

And you've already spent most of your energy.

That's the problem with uncontrollables.

**They charge you for worrying about them without giving you anything in return.**

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# Build Two Circles

I want you to imagine two circles.

INSIDE YOUR CIRCLE

These belong to you:

• Your effort.
• Your preparation.
• Your attitude.
• Your communication.
• Your body language.
• Your response to coaching.
• Your sleep habits.
• Your nutrition choices.
• Your training habits.
• Your attention.
• Your willingness to learn.
• Your response after mistakes.
• How you treat teammates.
• How you treat coaches.
• How you treat your family.
• How hard you pursue the ball.
• Whether you prepare for the next point.

OUTSIDE YOUR CIRCLE

These don't completely belong to you:

• Playing time.
• Starting lineups.
• Referee decisions.
• Your teammates' performances.
• Your opponent.
• Rankings.
• Social media opinions.
• Who attends your match.
• Recruiting offers.
• What another player says about you.
• What parents in the stands think.
• Tournament seeding.
• Injuries to other athletes.
• Whether a coach chooses someone else.

You may be able to **influence** some of those things.

But you cannot control them.

That's an important distinction.

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# Influence Is Not Control

Maybe you want more playing time.

You cannot write your name into the starting lineup.

That's the coach's decision.

But you can influence that decision.

How?

Train harder.

Improve your weaknesses.

Ask for feedback.

Become more consistent.

Communicate.

Compete.

Become someone your teammates trust.

That's productive.

There's a massive difference between:

**"Coach needs to play me."**

and:

**"What can I do to make it difficult for Coach not to play me?"**

One focuses on somebody else's decision.

The other puts responsibility back in your hands.

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# Accountability Begins Inside Your Circle

This is where the controllables become powerful.

When something goes wrong, athletes naturally look for explanations.

Sometimes those explanations are legitimate.

Maybe the set really was bad.

Maybe the referee really did miss the call.

Maybe your teammate really was in the wrong position.

But before looking outside your circle, ask:

**"What belonged to me?"**

Maybe the set was bad...

But could you have made a better adjustment?

Maybe the call was wrong...

But did your reaction hurt the next point?

Maybe your teammate missed an assignment...

But did you communicate beforehand?

Maybe Coach made a decision you didn't like...

But have you asked what you need to improve?

Accountability doesn't mean everything is your fault.

It means you're willing to examine **your part first.**

---

# Stop Keeping Score of Everyone Else

This is a dangerous habit.

*"She made three errors and she's still playing."*

*"I got taken out after one mistake."*

*"She gets more sets than me."*

*"Coach lets her get away with everything."*

Maybe some of those observations are true.

But what happens next?

You start competing against your teammate instead of competing alongside them.

Your attention shifts from:

**How can I help us win?**

to:

**How can I prove this isn't fair?**

That's a terrible trade.

Your teammate's opportunity doesn't take away your responsibility to improve.

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# Playing Time Is Emotional

Let's acknowledge this.

Not playing hurts.

Especially when you've trained hard.

Especially when you believe you deserve an opportunity.

Especially when you don't understand the decision.

You're allowed to be disappointed.

Controlling what you can control doesn't mean pretending you don't care.

It means deciding what you're going to do with that disappointment.

You can:

Withdraw.

Complain.

Blame.

Give poor effort.

Create tension.

Or you can ask:

**"What can I do now?"**

Maybe that's supporting your teammates.

Maybe it's staying ready.

Maybe it's asking your coach for feedback at an appropriate time.

Maybe it's becoming better in practice.

You can't always choose your role.

**You can choose how you handle it.**

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# Stop Playing for the Person in the Stands

Maybe there's a college coach watching.

Suddenly you become different.

You start trying to hit harder.

You force plays.

You worry about every mistake.

You're constantly looking toward the sideline.

You've allowed something outside your control to change the way you play.

You don't control what that coach thinks.

You don't control whether they're recruiting your position.

You don't control what they need.

You don't control whether they offer you.

What do you control?

**How you compete.**

Play volleyball.

Communicate.

Be a great teammate.

Respond to adversity.

Compete with confidence.

Let the evaluator evaluate.

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# Your Parents Are Outside the Lines Too

Athletes sometimes spend entire matches looking toward their parents.

After a mistake...

Look at Mom.

After getting substituted...

Look at Dad.

After a questionable call...

Look into the stands.

Why?

Maybe you're looking for approval.

Maybe reassurance.

Maybe agreement.

But every time your attention leaves the court, you're giving away part of your focus.

Your parents can support you.

They can love you.

They can encourage you.

But once you step onto the court:

**The game belongs to you.**

Learn to compete without constantly searching the stands for emotional direction.

---

# Officials Are a Great Test

Officials will make mistakes.

Just like you do.

You may disagree with a call.

You may even be correct.

But once the decision is made, ask:

**"What can I control now?"**

Usually the answer is:

The next point.

That's it.

Arguing with a call that cannot be changed while the opponent prepares to serve is a perfect example of giving your attention to the wrong circle.

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# Rankings Are Information, Not Identity

Maybe you're ranked.

Maybe you aren't.

Maybe someone you believe you're better than is ranked ahead of you.

Maybe your ranking drops.

What can you control?

Not the list.

You control:

Your development.

Your preparation.

Your performance.

Your character.

Your consistency.

Your response.

Rankings may create opportunities.

They may provide information.

But don't allow somebody else's evaluation to become the way you evaluate yourself.

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# You Don't Control Recruiting

This becomes especially important as athletes get older.

You can contact schools.

Create video.

Attend events.

Research programs.

Communicate professionally.

Develop your skills.

Train your body.

Improve academically.

Build relationships.

Those things belong inside your circle.

But you cannot make a college coach offer you.

You cannot make a school need your position.

You cannot control their roster.

You cannot control their scholarship situation.

You cannot control who else they're recruiting.

Do everything you can control.

Then understand that someone else's decision still belongs to them.

That's not failure.

That's reality.

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# The Control Question

When you feel frustrated, distracted, nervous, or angry, ask:

"DOES THIS BELONG TO ME?"

If the answer is yes:

**Do something about it.**

If the answer is no:

**Stop giving it more energy than it deserves.**

This question can save you enormous amounts of emotional energy.

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# Focus Doesn't Mean You Stop Caring

Some athletes misunderstand this lesson.

They think:

*"If I can't control it, I shouldn't care."*

That's not what we're saying.

You can care deeply.

You can want the starting position.

You can want the scholarship.

You can want to win.

You can want the referee to make the correct call.

You can want your teammates to perform well.

But caring about something doesn't give you control over it.

Mental maturity means learning to care deeply **without allowing uncontrollable outcomes to control your behavior.**

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# From the Sideline

Over the years, I've watched athletes spend so much energy fighting things they couldn't control that they had almost nothing left for the things they could.

They were worried about lineups.

Playing time.

Parents.

Rankings.

Other players.

Officials.

Recruiting.

Meanwhile, the opportunity sitting directly in front of them was being missed:

**Get better.**

That's almost always available to you.

You may not control your role today.

But you can prepare for a bigger one.

You may not control who is watching.

But you can become worth watching.

You may not control whether someone believes in you.

But you can continue building reasons to believe in yourself.

Put your energy where it can actually create change.

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# CoachMikeDZ's Advice

When something isn't going your way, don't immediately ask:

**"Who is responsible for this?"**

Start with:

**"What belongs to me?"**

That doesn't mean taking blame for things you didn't do.

It means taking responsibility for the part you can influence.

That habit will help you far beyond volleyball.

There will always be:

Bad decisions.

Difficult people.

Unfair situations.

Disappointment.

Things you wish were different.

You can spend your life fighting all of them.

Or you can become incredibly disciplined about where you place your energy.

**Own what belongs to you.**

Then go to work.

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# YOUR CHALLENGE

Before your next practice or match, take a piece of paper.

Draw a large circle.

Inside it, write:

WHAT I CONTROL TODAY

Choose five things.

For example:

• My effort.
• My communication.
• My body language.
• My response to coaching.
• My preparation between points.

Now outside the circle, write three things you've been worrying about that you don't completely control.

Maybe:

• Playing time.
• A ranking.
• What Coach thinks.
• Recruiting.
• Another player's performance.

During practice or competition, notice when your attention moves outside the circle.

When it happens, ask:

**"Does this belong to me?"**

If not, immediately choose something inside your circle.

Then act on it.

Afterward, ask yourself:

• Where did I waste the most energy?
• What uncontrollable distracted me?
• What did I actually control?
• Did I take responsibility for my part?
• Where could I put that energy next time?

Keep practicing this until returning to your circle becomes a habit.

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# Key Takeaways

• Your mental energy is limited. Spend it intentionally.
• Separate what you control from what you don't.
• Influence and control are not the same thing.
• Accountability means examining your responsibility first.
• Playing time belongs to the coach; preparation belongs to you.
• Don't compete against teammates by constantly comparing opportunities.
• Evaluators, rankings, officials, and recruiting decisions are not fully under your control.
• You can care about an outcome without allowing it to control your behavior.
• When frustrated, ask: "Does this belong to me?"
• Put your energy where it can create change.

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# NEXT: PRESSURE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN TRAIN

You've learned to bring your attention back to the things you can control.

Now we're going to put those controllables into a much harder environment.

Your hands are sweating.

Your heart is beating faster.

The score is tied.

Everyone is watching.

And you have to serve.

The goal isn't to somehow make those feelings disappear.

The next lesson is learning how to **perform while they're happening.**

Pressure Is Something You Can Train

Because becoming mentally stronger doesn't mean you stop feeling pressure.

**It means pressure stops deciding who you become.**