Stop Comparing Your Athlete to Other Players

# Stop Comparing Your Athlete to Other Players

It happens almost automatically.

You walk into the gym and notice another player.

She's taller.

She jumps higher.

She's playing on the top team.

She's starting.

She's already playing varsity.

She's getting attention from college coaches.

Then you look at your daughter.

And somewhere in your mind, the comparison begins.

"WHY ISN'T MY DAUGHTER THERE YET?"

Sometimes you don't even say it.

But sometimes you do.

**"Look how aggressive she is."**

**"She's only been playing two years."**

**"You used to be better than her."**

**"She's already getting recruited."**

**"Why can't you serve like that?"**

Parents usually aren't trying to hurt their athletes when they say these things.

They're trying to motivate them.

But comparison has a dangerous way of turning someone else's success into evidence that your own child is falling behind.

And that isn't how athlete development works.

---

# EVERY ATHLETE HAS A DIFFERENT TIMELINE

Young athletes don't develop on identical schedules.

One player may physically mature earlier.

Another may develop coordination faster.

Another may understand the game sooner.

Another may become confident earlier.

Another may have played volleyball since she was eight.

Another may have better training opportunities.

Another may simply be having a great season.

Development is not a straight line.

And it certainly isn't the same line for everyone.

YOUR ATHLETE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AHEAD OF SOMEONE ELSE TO BE MOVING FORWARD.

---

# EARLY SUCCESS DOESN'T GUARANTEE THE FINAL RESULT

Youth sports can make temporary advantages look permanent.

The tallest 12-year-old may dominate.

The strongest 13-year-old may look unstoppable.

The athlete who matured early may appear years ahead.

But young athletes change.

Bodies change.

Skills change.

Confidence changes.

Work habits change.

Motivation changes.

Positions change.

Opportunities change.

The athlete who looks ahead today isn't guaranteed to remain ahead.

And the athlete who looks behind today isn't guaranteed to stay there.

That's why evaluating a young player only by where she currently ranks against other players can be misleading.

---

# HEIGHT MAKES COMPARISON EVEN EASIER IN VOLLEYBALL

Volleyball is a sport where physical differences are obvious.

Parents see a tall athlete and immediately think:

**"She's going to be a great hitter."**

They see a shorter athlete and begin wondering:

**"Where can my daughter even play?"**

Height matters in volleyball.

We shouldn't pretend it doesn't.

But height isn't development.

Young players still need to learn:

• Ball control
• Serving
• Passing
• Setting
• Attacking
• Defense
• Movement
• Communication
• Decision-making
• Reading the game

A physical advantage can help an athlete today.

It should never become a reason another athlete stops developing tomorrow.

DEVELOP THE PLAYER BEFORE YOU DEFINE THE PLAYER.

---

# DON'T LET TEAM PLACEMENT BECOME A FAMILY RANKING SYSTEM

Club volleyball makes comparison incredibly easy.

National team.

Regional team.

First team.

Second team.

Third team.

Your daughter's friend makes the higher team.

Your daughter doesn't.

Suddenly the team assignment can feel like a public ranking.

Parents start thinking:

**"They think she's better than my daughter."**

Maybe the other player is currently ahead.

That's okay.

Team placement is information about a particular moment.

It isn't a final declaration of potential.

Your athlete's job is not to spend the season proving she should have been placed above someone else.

Her job is to get better.

---

# DON'T TURN FRIENDSHIPS INTO COMPETITIONS

This happens more often than people realize.

Two girls grow up playing together.

They're friends.

Then one:

• Makes varsity first
• Makes the top club team
• Becomes a starter
• Receives an award
• Gets invited to a camp
• Gets contacted by a college

Parents begin comparing.

Sometimes the athletes weren't even comparing themselves until the adults started doing it.

Now a friendship becomes a scoreboard.

"SHE GOT THIS. WHAT DID YOU GET?"

That's not healthy competition.

Your athlete should be able to celebrate another player's success without feeling that it automatically diminishes her own.

---

# SOMEONE ELSE'S SUCCESS DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD

This is a powerful lesson for athletes and parents.

Another player gets an offer.

Good for her.

Another player makes varsity.

Celebrate her.

Another player wins an award.

Congratulations.

Another player moves to the top team.

That's wonderful.

None of those things remove your athlete's opportunity to develop.

We should teach young people:

SOMEONE ELSE CAN WIN WITHOUT YOU LOSING.

That's bigger than volleyball.

---

# SOCIAL MEDIA HAS MADE COMPARISON HARDER

Parents and athletes now see everyone's highlights.

Commitment graphics.

Top performer awards.

Rankings.

Kills.

Highlights.

Offers.

Tournament championships.

College visits.

What you usually don't see is:

• The bad practice
• The player sitting on the bench
• The confidence struggle
• The injury
• The difficult conversation
• The months of training
• The mistakes
• The rejection
• The family wondering whether they're doing enough

You're often comparing your athlete's complete journey to someone else's highlight reel.

That's rarely a fair comparison.

---

# RANKINGS CAN BECOME ANOTHER TRAP

Player rankings can be exciting.

Recognition can be meaningful.

Exposure can create opportunities.

But rankings are still evaluations made at a particular time based on what evaluators have seen.

A ranking should never become an athlete's identity.

Being ranked doesn't guarantee future success.

Not being ranked doesn't eliminate future potential.

Use recognition as information.

Not identity.

---

# RECRUITING CREATES AN ENTIRELY NEW LEVEL OF COMPARISON

This becomes especially difficult as athletes get older.

A teammate receives her first college offer.

Then another.

Then another.

Your athlete hasn't.

Parents start wondering:

**"Are we behind?"**

The athlete starts wondering:

**"What's wrong with me?"**

But recruiting doesn't happen on one universal timeline.

Different:

• Positions
• Programs
• Divisions
• Academic situations
• Roster needs
• Graduation classes
• Player levels

can create very different recruiting experiences.

Another player's recruiting timeline is not automatically evidence about your athlete's future.

---

# COMPARISON CAN QUIETLY CHANGE HOW YOUR ATHLETE SEES HERSELF

Imagine repeatedly hearing:

**"Look how good she is."**

**"She's more aggressive than you."**

**"She's already getting recruited."**

**"She made the higher team."**

Eventually the athlete may stop hearing:

**"You can learn from this."**

and start hearing:

"YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH."

That may never be what the parent intended.

But intention and impact aren't always the same thing.

---

# BE CAREFUL WITH "MOTIVATION"

Parents sometimes use comparison because they believe it will motivate their child.

**"Look how hard she works."**

**"If you worked like that, imagine how good you'd be."**

There may be a lesson worth teaching.

But you don't need another child to teach it.

Instead of:

**"Why can't you work as hard as her?"**

try:

"WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE FOR YOU TO BECOME MORE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR TRAINING?"

Now the conversation belongs to your athlete.

---

# COMPARE HER TO HERSELF

There is a much healthier measurement.

Ask:

"IS SHE BETTER THAN SHE WAS?"

Think back six months.

A year.

Two years.

Can she:

• Pass better?
• Serve tougher?
• Read the game faster?
• Communicate more?
• Handle mistakes better?
• Compete harder?
• Take coaching better?
• Lead teammates?
• Understand the game more deeply?

That's development.

Maybe another player is still ahead.

That doesn't erase your athlete's progress.

---

# DEVELOPMENT IS MORE THAN SKILL

Parents often compare visible volleyball ability.

But some of the most important development isn't immediately visible.

Is your athlete becoming:

• More responsible?
• More resilient?
• More confident?
• More coachable?
• More independent?
• A better communicator?
• A better teammate?
• More disciplined?
• More capable of handling adversity?

Those things matter too.

Volleyball should develop the person as well as the player.

---

# DON'T COMPARE SIBLINGS EITHER

Sometimes the comparison is even closer to home.

**"Your sister made varsity as a freshman."**

**"Your sister never complained about practice."**

**"Your sister was already starting at your age."**

Two children from the same family can still have completely different athletic journeys.

Different bodies.

Different personalities.

Different motivations.

Different opportunities.

Different strengths.

Let each child own her own story.

---

# DON'T LET ANOTHER PARENT'S BRAGGING CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Tournament gyms can sometimes feel like unofficial parent résumé exchanges.

**"She has three schools talking to her."**

**"She's playing up."**

**"She's training with..."**

**"Her coach says..."**

Be happy for them.

Then go back to your own family.

You don't have to enter the race.

Your job isn't to win the parent comparison contest.

Your job is to help your athlete navigate her own development.

---

# SOMETIMES ANOTHER PLAYER CAN BE A GREAT EXAMPLE

Avoiding unhealthy comparison doesn't mean athletes should never learn from other players.

There's tremendous value in watching someone who does something well.

The difference is the question.

Instead of:

"WHY AREN'T YOU AS GOOD AS HER?"

ask:

"WHAT CAN YOU LEARN FROM HER?"

Maybe she:

• Communicates constantly
• Competes on every ball
• Has great footwork
• Resets quickly
• Trains consistently
• Encourages teammates
• Reads hitters well

Now another athlete's success becomes information instead of a threat.

That's healthy.

---

# YOUR ATHLETE WILL NOTICE YOUR REACTION TO OTHER PLAYERS

Be careful what you say in the car.

**"I can't believe she's starting."**

**"You're way better than her."**

**"Her parents must know somebody."**

**"Coach obviously has favorites."**

Those comments teach your athlete how to interpret competition.

Instead of learning:

**"I need to keep developing,"**

she may learn:

**"Someone else's opportunity is unfair to me."**

That mindset can become difficult to escape.

---

# TEACH HER TO COMPETE WITHOUT RESENTMENT

Athletes should compete.

They should want positions.

They should want playing time.

They should want to win.

They should work to become better than the player across the net—and sometimes the player competing for the same position.

Competition isn't the problem.

Resentment is.

A great competitor can think:

"I WANT THAT POSITION."

while also thinking:

"I RESPECT THE PLAYER I'M COMPETING WITH."

Those ideas can exist together.

---

# YOUR CHILD DOESN'T NEED TO BE THE BEST PLAYER IN THE GYM TODAY

Parents naturally want their children to succeed.

But youth development is not about winning every comparison at every age.

Sometimes your athlete needs:

• Time
• Repetition
• Strength
• Confidence
• Better instruction
• More experience
• Physical development
• Failure
• Patience

The question isn't:

"IS SHE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?"

The better question is:

"IS SHE STILL GROWING?"

---

# FROM THE SIDELINE

I've evaluated and coached thousands of volleyball players over the years.

One thing becomes very clear when you stay in the sport long enough:

ATHLETES CHANGE.

The player who looked incredible at 13 doesn't always become the best player at 17.

The athlete who barely got noticed early sometimes develops into an outstanding player.

I've seen athletes grow.

Change positions.

Gain confidence.

Become stronger.

Develop skills.

Understand the game.

Find the right environment.

And suddenly look completely different than they did a few years earlier.

That's why I'm careful about defining young athletes too early.

Development takes time.

And parents can either give that development room to happen...

or make athletes feel like they're constantly losing a race they were never supposed to be running.

---

# COACH MIKE DZ'S ADVICE

When you catch yourself comparing your athlete to another player, change the question.

Instead of:

"WHY IS SHE AHEAD OF MY DAUGHTER?"

ask:

"WHAT DOES MY DAUGHTER NEED NEXT?"

Maybe she needs better ball control.

Maybe she needs strength.

Maybe she needs confidence.

Maybe she needs more competitive reps.

Maybe she needs patience.

Maybe she simply needs time.

Focus on the next developmental step.

Because you cannot control another player's journey.

And neither can your athlete.

HELP HER OWN HERS.

---

# YOUR FAMILY CHALLENGE

For the next month, remove comparison language from your volleyball conversations.

Avoid:

**"She's better than you."**

**"You're better than her."**

**"She already made varsity."**

**"She already has an offer."**

**"Why can't you do what she does?"**

Replace it with three questions:

1. WHAT HAVE YOU IMPROVED?

Recognize progress.

2. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO IMPROVE NEXT?

Create direction.

3. WHAT CAN YOU LEARN FROM THE PLAYERS AROUND YOU?

Turn comparison into education.

At the end of the month, ask your athlete:

"DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BECOMING A BETTER PLAYER?"

That's a much more meaningful conversation than asking where she ranks against somebody else.

---

# KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Young athletes develop on different timelines.
• Another player's early success does not predict your athlete's final potential.
• Physical maturity and height can create temporary advantages, especially in volleyball.
• Team placement is a snapshot, not a permanent ranking of athletes.
• Don't allow adult comparison to turn athlete friendships into competitions.
• Someone else's success does not diminish your child's opportunity.
• Social media often encourages families to compare complete journeys with other people's highlights.
• Rankings and recognition should never become an athlete's identity.
• Recruiting timelines differ significantly from athlete to athlete.
• Repeated comparison can make athletes feel like they're never enough.
• You don't need to compare your child to someone else to motivate her.
• Measure development by comparing the athlete to who she used to be.
• Development includes character, resilience, communication, leadership and independence—not only volleyball skills.
• Avoid comparing siblings.
• Don't let other parents' conversations determine how you evaluate your athlete.
• Athletes can learn from successful players without measuring their worth against them.
• Competition and respect can coexist.
• Your athlete doesn't need to be the best player in the gym today.
• The most important question is whether she continues to grow.

---

HER JOURNEY DOESN'T NEED TO LOOK LIKE ANYONE ELSE'S

Someone will always be taller.

Someone will jump higher.

Someone will make a team your daughter doesn't.

Someone will get an opportunity first.

Someone will receive recognition.

Someone will commit to college before she does.

If your family constantly looks sideways, there will always be another reason to feel behind.

So look forward instead.

Where was she?

Where is she now?

Where is she trying to go?

And what does she need to learn next?

SHE DOESN'T NEED TO WIN SOMEONE ELSE'S RACE.

She needs the opportunity, patience, support and responsibility to continue becoming the best version of herself.