Stop Coaching From the Stands: Your Athlete Already Has a Coach

# Stop Coaching From the Stands: Your Athlete Already Has a Coach

The serve goes up.

Your daughter passes the ball.

You see something from the stands.

And before you even think about it:

**"MOVE YOUR FEET!"**

Next rally:

**"CALL THE BALL!"**

Then:

**"SWING!"**

**"TIP!"**

**"LINE!"**

**"WATCH THE DUMP!"**

**"GET YOUR ELBOW UP!"**

You're trying to help.

You know volleyball.

Maybe you've coached.

Maybe you've played.

Maybe you've watched your daughter make the same mistake 100 times.

And you're thinking:

**"I'm just reminding her."**

But here's the problem:

Your daughter already has a coach.

And while she's trying to read the game, communicate with teammates, remember the system, process her coach's instructions, make decisions, and compete...

she's also hearing you.

SIDELINE believes parents can have an incredibly positive impact on an athlete's experience.

But one of the best things you can learn to do from the stands is surprisingly difficult:

BE THE PARENT.

Let the coach be the coach.

---

# CHEERING AND COACHING ARE NOT THE SAME THING

There is absolutely nothing wrong with supporting your athlete.

Cheer.

Clap.

Celebrate great effort.

Encourage the team.

Bring energy.

Be excited.

But there is a difference between:

"LET'S GO!"

and:

"MOVE TO THE LINE!"

There is a difference between:

"GREAT JOB!"

and:

"YOU NEED TO TIP THAT BALL!"

One is encouragement.

The other is instruction.

That's where parents can unintentionally cross from supporting the athlete into coaching the athlete.

---

# EVEN CORRECT ADVICE CAN BE A PROBLEM

This is important.

The issue isn't necessarily whether your instruction is technically correct.

You might be absolutely right.

Maybe she should have:

• Served zone one
• Covered the hitter
• Set the middle
• Swung line
• Closed the block
• Moved deeper defensively

But you may not know what the coach instructed.

You may not know the team's system.

You may not know the matchup they're trying to create.

You may not know what the athlete has been taught in practice.

So your daughter hears:

COACH: "Do this."

PARENT: "Do that."

Now what?

You've placed the athlete between two adults she wants to please.

---

# YOUR ATHLETE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CHOOSE WHO TO LISTEN TO

Imagine being 13 years old.

Your coach tells you where to stand defensively.

Then your dad is yelling from the bleachers:

**"BACK UP!"**

Who do you listen to?

Your coach?

Your dad?

Now instead of reading the hitter, you're thinking about the adults.

That's not helping performance.

That's creating another decision the athlete shouldn't have to make.

During competition, athletes need clarity.

---

# VOLLEYBALL IS ALREADY A FAST GAME

Think about everything an athlete may need to process during one rally.

She may be reading:

• The server
• The pass
• The setter
• The hitters
• The block
• The defense
• Her teammates
• The score
• The rotation
• The situation

She may also be communicating:

**"Mine!"**

**"Short!"**

**"Line!"**

**"Cross!"**

**"Help!"**

**"Free!"**

Then she has to move, decide and execute.

All of this happens in seconds.

Now add another voice from 40 feet away giving instructions.

More information isn't always better.

Sometimes it's just noise.

---

# ATHLETES NEED TO LEARN TO READ THE GAME

This is one of the biggest developmental reasons parents should avoid coaching from the stands.

We don't want athletes who can only perform when someone tells them what to do.

We want athletes who can:

• Read
• Recognize
• Decide
• Adjust
• Communicate
• Solve problems

That's volleyball IQ.

If every rally includes an adult yelling:

**"TIP!"**

**"SWING!"**

**"MOVE!"**

**"COVER!"**

the athlete can become dependent on external instructions instead of learning to process the game herself.

Eventually, she needs to see it.

---

# LET HER MAKE THE WRONG DECISION SOMETIMES

This can be difficult to watch.

You see exactly what she should do.

She doesn't.

She makes the wrong choice.

And you desperately want to yell the answer.

But sometimes:

THE MISTAKE IS PART OF THE LESSON.

She makes the decision.

It doesn't work.

The coach gives feedback.

She tries again.

Now she's learning.

That's different from simply following commands from the bleachers.

---

# DON'T TURN EVERY RALLY INTO A LESSON

Parents sometimes watch their children play like they're conducting a private training session.

After every contact:

**"Good."**

**"Too low."**

**"Move your feet."**

**"Wrong spot."**

**"Use your hands."**

**"You should have..."**

Imagine someone evaluating nearly every decision you made while you were trying to perform.

That can become exhausting.

Your athlete doesn't need a running commentary on her volleyball.

Let her play.

---

# BODY LANGUAGE COACHES TOO

You don't have to say anything to communicate disappointment.

Athletes can see:

• Head shaking
• Arms thrown into the air
• Eye rolling
• Turning away
• Frustrated pacing
• Looking at another parent after a mistake

Your daughter may be 60 feet away.

She still knows that look.

Sometimes the loudest coaching from the stands happens without a single word.

---

# YOUR REACTION CAN MAKE THE MISTAKE BIGGER

Your athlete misses a serve.

That's one mistake.

Then she looks into the stands.

Dad has his hands on his head.

Mom looks frustrated.

Now the mistake becomes:

**"I disappointed them."**

Instead of resetting for the next point, she carries the last point with her.

We want athletes learning:

NEXT BALL.

Parents can help by modeling the same thing.

She made a mistake.

Okay.

Next ball.

---

# DON'T MAKE YOUR ATHLETE CHECK THE STANDS

Watch athletes at youth sporting events.

Some make a mistake and immediately look toward their parents.

Why?

Sometimes they're looking for reassurance.

Sometimes they're checking the reaction.

Sometimes they're worried about what's coming later.

Ideally, an athlete shouldn't need to perform while constantly monitoring Mom or Dad's emotional state.

She should be connected to:

HER TEAM.

HER COACH.

THE NEXT POINT.

Not the bleachers.

---

# THE GAME SHOULD BELONG TO THE ATHLETE

This is one of the larger lessons of Parent Education.

Your child plays volleyball.

You support volleyball.

Those are different roles.

The athlete gets to:

• Compete
• Make decisions
• Make mistakes
• Solve problems
• Communicate
• Respond to coaching
• Experience success
• Experience failure

Parents don't need to participate in every part of that process.

Sometimes loving the athlete means allowing the experience to belong to her.

---

# "BUT I KNOW VOLLEYBALL"

Maybe you do.

You may have played in college.

You may coach another team.

You may understand the game extremely well.

That still doesn't make the stands your coaching box.

In fact, parents who understand volleyball can sometimes have an even harder time remaining quiet because they see so much.

You notice:

• Footwork
• Blocking assignments
• Setter decisions
• Serve-receive seams
• Defensive positioning
• Transition errors

That's fine.

See it.

You just don't have to announce all of it.

---

# WHAT IF YOU ARE ALSO A COACH?

Then this boundary may be even more important.

Your child may already spend a lot of time hearing volleyball instruction from you.

During her team competition, give her the opportunity to experience another coach.

Let her learn another voice.

Another system.

Another perspective.

You can still understand the game.

You can still support her development.

But during the match:

YOU GET TO BE MOM OR DAD.

That's a valuable role too.

---

# DON'T COACH OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN EITHER

This deserves attention.

Sometimes parents aren't only instructing their own athlete.

They're yelling:

**"SET HER!"**

**"COVER!"**

**"MOVE UP!"**

**"WATCH THE TIP!"**

at the entire team.

Now you're coaching someone else's child too.

Those athletes have coaches.

Let them coach.

Support the team without trying to run it.

---

# BE CAREFUL WITH OFFICIATING TOO

Parents can also create pressure by constantly reacting to officials.

Every call becomes:

**"THAT WAS A DOUBLE!"**

**"SHE TOUCHED IT!"**

**"THAT WAS IN!"**

**"COME ON, REF!"**

Officials will make mistakes.

So will athletes.

So will coaches.

When parents lose emotional control over every questionable call, athletes notice.

What lesson are we teaching?

We want players to learn:

**Control what you can control.**

Parents should model it too.

---

# YOUR ATHLETE WILL NOT BENEFIT FROM YOU FIGHTING EVERY BATTLE

A questionable call happens.

Your daughter needs to reset.

But Dad is still arguing three points later.

Now whose emotional regulation needs work?

Sports give parents opportunities to model the same lessons we're asking athletes to learn:

• Composure
• Perspective
• Respect
• Resilience
• Self-control

The stands are part of the learning environment too.

---

# WHAT SHOULD PARENTS SAY?

You don't have to sit silently.

Support them.

Try:

**"LET'S GO!"**

**"KEEP COMPETING!"**

**"GREAT EFFORT!"**

**"NICE PLAY!"**

**"YOU GOT THIS!"**

**"LET'S GO, TEAM!"**

Encouragement supports the athlete without telling her how to perform the skill.

That's the difference.

---

# CHEER FOR MORE THAN YOUR OWN CHILD

One of the healthiest things parents can do is support the team.

Celebrate:

• Great rallies
• Hustle
• Teammates
• Big defensive plays
• Great serves
• Players coming off the bench
• Team energy

Your athlete is part of something larger than herself.

Parents should reinforce that.

---

# DON'T MAKE YOUR CHILD'S PERFORMANCE YOUR PERFORMANCE

This is difficult.

Parents invest:

• Money
• Time
• Travel
• Weekends
• Hotels
• Gas
• Flights
• Emotional energy

It's easy to begin feeling like your athlete's performance is somehow a return on that investment.

It isn't.

Your child does not owe you:

• A starting position
• A perfect tournament
• A scholarship
• A championship
• A certain team level

because you've invested in volleyball.

Your investment is part of supporting your child.

The performance still belongs to her.

---

# WHAT IF YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE FIXED?

You probably will.

But ask yourself:

DOES IT NEED TO BE FIXED BY ME?

The coach may already see it.

The athlete may already know.

It may be addressed at practice.

It may be part of a larger developmental process you don't see.

Noticing a problem doesn't automatically make it your responsibility to correct it.

---

# SAVE QUESTIONS FOR THE RIGHT TIME

If your athlete wants your volleyball knowledge, there may be appropriate times to discuss the game.

But first ask:

"Do you want me to give you my thoughts, or do you just want me to listen?"

That question gives the athlete some ownership.

Sometimes she'll want your perspective.

Sometimes she won't.

Both answers are okay.

---

# YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LAST RALLY

There will always be another volleyball correction available.

Another technical adjustment.

Another tactical observation.

Another mistake you could discuss.

But your child only gets one parent-child relationship with you.

Don't allow every tournament weekend to turn that relationship into:

COACH AND PLAYER.

Sometimes your daughter doesn't need another volleyball expert.

She needs Mom.

She needs Dad.

---

# FROM THE SIDELINE

I've coached volleyball for decades.

I've watched thousands of parents sit in gyms trying desperately to help their children succeed.

I understand it.

You see something.

You know the answer.

You want to help.

But one of the things I've learned is that athletes need space to become volleyball players.

They need to learn how to see the game.

They need to make decisions.

They need to make mistakes.

They need to hear their coach.

They need to communicate with teammates.

They need to solve problems.

And sometimes adults have to stop giving them every answer long enough for them to discover one themselves.

Your silence isn't a lack of support.

Sometimes your silence is creating space for development.

---

# COACH MIKE DZ'S ADVICE

When you're sitting in the stands, give yourself one job:

BE HER BIGGEST SUPPORTER, NOT HER SECOND COACH.

Cheer.

Smile.

Clap.

Celebrate effort.

Support teammates.

Model composure.

Then let the volleyball people on the court handle the volleyball.

If you know the game extremely well, this may be harder.

Do it anyway.

Because the goal isn't for your athlete to look into the stands every time she needs an answer.

The goal is for her to eventually look across the net...

read what's happening...

make a decision...

and trust herself.

---

# YOUR FAMILY CHALLENGE

At your athlete's next tournament, try the:

ONE-MATCH NO-COACHING CHALLENGE.

For one entire match:

DO NOT:

• Give technical instructions
• Tell her where to stand
• Tell her where to serve
• Tell her what shot to use
• Correct mistakes
• Coach teammates
• Argue with officials
• React dramatically when she makes an error

DO:

• Cheer
• Clap
• Encourage
• Support the team
• Celebrate effort
• Model composure

Then notice something.

DOES YOUR ATHLETE LOOK TOWARD THE STANDS LESS?

Does she communicate more with teammates?

Does she reset faster?

Does she appear freer to compete?

And maybe most importantly:

What did it feel like for you to give up control?

Parents are developing too.

---

# KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Cheering and coaching are different.
• Athletes already have coaches providing instruction during competition.
• Even technically correct parent instructions can conflict with the team's system or coach.
• Athletes shouldn't have to choose between listening to their coach and their parent.
• Volleyball already requires athletes to process enormous amounts of information quickly.
• Players need opportunities to develop volleyball IQ and make their own decisions.
• Mistakes can be important parts of learning.
• Athletes don't need a running evaluation from the stands.
• Parent body language can communicate pressure even without words.
• Don't make one mistake bigger through your reaction.
• Athletes should remain connected to their team and the next point rather than constantly checking their parents.
• Parents with volleyball knowledge still need boundaries during competition.
• Don't coach other people's children.
• Model the emotional control you expect from athletes when officials make questionable calls.
• Cheer for the entire team, not only your child.
• Your financial and emotional investment in volleyball does not make your athlete's performance yours.
• Seeing a problem doesn't automatically mean you're responsible for correcting it.
• Ask whether your athlete wants advice before giving it.
• Your parent-child relationship matters more than correcting another volleyball mistake.
• Sometimes giving athletes space is part of developing independent competitors.

---

YOUR ATHLETE ALREADY HAS A COACH.

She doesn't need another one shouting from the bleachers.

She needs someone in the stands who believes in her when she gets an ace...

and when she serves into the net.

When she starts...

and when she sits.

When she plays great...

and when she struggles.

Someone whose support doesn't change with the scoreboard.

LET THE COACH COACH.

LET THE ATHLETE PLAY.

AND GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO JUST BE THE PARENT.

That role matters more than you think.