Someday Volleyball Ends: What Do You Want Your Child to Take With Her?

# Someday Volleyball Ends: What Do You Want Your Child to Take With Her?

There will be a last tournament.

You probably won't know it's the last one until you're getting close.

There will be a final practice.

A final team dinner.

A final hotel breakfast.

A final warm-up.

A final time you sit in the stands waiting for your daughter's match to begin.

There will be a final serve.

A final point.

A final whistle.

And eventually, she will take off the jersey.

For years, volleyball may have felt like one of the biggest things in your family's life.

Then suddenly:

IT'S OVER.

The question isn't whether that day is coming.

It is.

The question is:

WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO TAKE WITH HER WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY?

Because the volleyball eventually disappears.

The person it helped develop does not.

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# WE SPEND YEARS FOCUSED ON WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

When athletes are young, we're constantly looking forward.

What team will she make?

Will she start?

What position will she play?

Will she make varsity?

Will she play on the national team?

Will she get recruited?

Will she play in college?

There's always another milestone.

Another season.

Another tryout.

Another tournament.

Another goal.

That's understandable.

But sometimes we're so focused on the next volleyball destination that we forget to ask what the entire journey is supposed to produce.

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# THE TROPHIES WILL EVENTUALLY GO INTO A BOX

Think about all the things that feel incredibly important during youth sports.

Medals.

Awards.

Tournament finishes.

Rankings.

Team placements.

Stats.

Starting positions.

Years later, many of them will be difficult to remember.

You may find an old medal in a drawer and struggle to remember which tournament it came from.

That's not because those moments didn't matter.

They did.

But their importance changes with time.

What remains much longer are the lessons attached to them.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO WORK?

Volleyball teaches athletes something incredibly valuable:

IMPROVEMENT REQUIRES WORK.

You don't become a great passer because you want to.

You don't develop a great serve because you watched someone else do it.

You don't become stronger because you bought new shoes.

You repeat.

Fail.

Adjust.

Repeat again.

Somewhere along the way, athletes begin understanding:

**If I want something, I have to participate in creating it.**

That lesson travels far beyond volleyball.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO FAIL?

Your daughter is going to fail in volleyball.

She'll miss serves.

Get blocked.

Shank passes.

Lose matches.

Get cut.

Lose starting positions.

Make mistakes when everyone is watching.

Good.

Not because failure is fun.

Because learning how to fail without allowing failure to define you is one of the greatest skills sports can teach.

Someday the failure won't be a volleyball.

It might be:

A class.

A job interview.

A relationship.

A career opportunity.

Something she wanted desperately.

Volleyball gives her opportunities to practice saying:

"THAT HURT. WHAT DO I DO NEXT?"

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN ACCOUNTABILITY?

Sports give athletes countless opportunities to make excuses.

The referee.

The coach.

The setter.

The passer.

The teammate.

The lineup.

The gym.

The schedule.

The pressure.

Sometimes those things genuinely affect outcomes.

But athletes eventually need to ask:

"WHAT PART OF THIS BELONGS TO ME?"

That's accountability.

Not blaming yourself for everything.

Owning the part you can control.

That lesson will serve her for the rest of her life.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO RECEIVE CORRECTION?

Someday your daughter will have a professor.

A supervisor.

A manager.

A colleague.

Someone will tell her:

**"This isn't good enough."**

Volleyball gives her years to learn how to hear correction without interpreting it as rejection.

She can learn to ask:

**"What do I need to improve?"**

instead of immediately defending herself.

That's bigger than sports.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH ADULTS?

At some point, Mom and Dad cannot have every difficult conversation.

Your athlete needs to learn how to approach a coach.

Ask questions.

Seek feedback.

Explain concerns.

Listen.

Disagree respectfully.

Advocate for herself.

Those conversations may feel uncomfortable at 14.

That's exactly why they're valuable.

You're helping her practice for adulthood while the stakes are still relatively small.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO BECOME INDEPENDENT?

When athletes are little, parents do almost everything.

Pack the bag.

Check the schedule.

Bring the water.

Find the uniform.

Communicate with adults.

Solve problems.

That's appropriate.

But eventually, responsibility should begin transferring.

She packs.

She remembers.

She communicates.

She prepares.

She solves.

She owns.

The goal isn't to become the world's greatest volleyball parent.

THE GOAL IS TO EVENTUALLY BE NEEDED LESS.

That's success.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO BE A TEAMMATE?

Life will constantly require your daughter to work with people she didn't choose.

Volleyball gives her practice.

She will have teammates who are:

Different from her.

More talented.

Less experienced.

More emotional.

Quiet.

Loud.

Difficult.

Wonderful.

She'll have to learn:

How to communicate.

How to support.

How to disagree.

How to forgive.

How to tell someone the truth.

How to celebrate someone else's success.

How to put a group ahead of herself sometimes.

Those are human skills disguised as volleyball lessons.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO COMPETE WITHOUT HATING PEOPLE?

Competition is valuable.

Your daughter should want the position.

She should want to win.

She should want to beat the team across the net.

She should push herself.

But great competition doesn't require resentment.

She can compete against someone and respect her.

She can lose a position and remain a teammate.

She can watch someone else succeed without believing that success diminishes her.

That's maturity.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN HOW TO HANDLE PRESSURE?

There will be moments when the ball comes to her.

24-24.

Everyone knows where the serve is going.

Everyone is watching.

Her heart is pounding.

Good.

Pressure is part of life.

Volleyball gives athletes a safe place to experience it.

Breathe.

Focus.

Trust your preparation.

Do the next thing.

Sometimes she succeeds.

Sometimes she doesn't.

Either way, she learns that pressure can be experienced without running from it.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO LEARN RESILIENCE?

Volleyball can be brutally honest.

The scoreboard doesn't care about excuses.

The ball doesn't care about confidence.

The next rally arrives whether you're ready or not.

Athletes learn:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL GREAT TO KEEP GOING.

They learn how to reset.

How to recover.

How to return after disappointment.

How to keep competing when something didn't go their way.

That's resilience.

And someday she'll need it somewhere far away from a volleyball court.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO BECOME A LEADER?

Leadership doesn't begin when someone hands your daughter a captain title.

It begins when she learns:

To communicate.

To encourage.

To tell the truth.

To hold standards.

To accept accountability herself.

To bring energy when things are difficult.

To help someone struggling.

To do what's right when the coach isn't watching.

Eventually, great teams begin leading themselves.

And great young people begin leading themselves too.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO DEVELOP INTEGRITY?

Sports constantly create opportunities to choose between convenience and character.

Did the ball touch you?

Was it really in?

Did you do the conditioning?

Did you tell the truth?

Did you blame someone else?

Did you treat the teammate who couldn't help you the same way you treated the star?

Character isn't built through speeches.

It's built through thousands of small decisions.

WHO ARE YOU WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING YOU DO THE RIGHT THING?

Volleyball gives athletes opportunities to answer that question.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO DEVELOP EMPATHY?

Your daughter will struggle.

So will her teammates.

One day she's the starter.

Another day she's watching someone else play.

One season she's confident.

Another teammate isn't.

One day she makes the mistake.

Another day someone else does.

Sports can teach athletes to understand:

EVERYONE IS CARRYING SOMETHING.

That realization can make them better teammates.

And better people.

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# DO YOU WANT HER TO HAVE COURAGE?

Courage in volleyball doesn't always look dramatic.

Sometimes courage is:

Calling for the ball after making three mistakes.

Talking to the coach.

Trying a new position.

Competing against someone better.

Admitting you were wrong.

Speaking up for a teammate.

Walking into tryouts knowing you might get cut.

Trying again.

Those small acts of courage accumulate.

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# WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO REMEMBER ABOUT YOU?

This part belongs to the parents.

Someday your daughter will remember her volleyball years.

What role do you want to have in those memories?

Do you want her to remember:

You yelling instructions from the stands?

Criticizing coaches?

Analyzing every mistake?

Comparing her to teammates?

Making every tournament feel like an evaluation?

Or:

The road trips.

The encouragement.

The laughs.

The hugs.

The meals.

The conversations.

The way you believed in her when she struggled.

The way you celebrated her teammates.

The way home still felt safe after the worst match of her life.

Parents are part of the volleyball story too.

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# SHE WILL REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE HER FEEL

She may forget what you said after a tournament.

She may remember how she felt.

Did she feel:

Supported?

Judged?

Safe?

Pressured?

Encouraged?

Compared?

Loved?

Evaluated?

Your athlete shouldn't have to play well to enjoy the ride home with you.

She shouldn't have to start to make you proud.

She shouldn't have to earn your approval through volleyball.

Make sure she knows:

THE PLAYER CAN STRUGGLE WITHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLING.

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# DON'T MISS THE JOURNEY WHILE CHASING THE DESTINATION

Parents spend so much time preparing for what's next that sometimes we forget to enjoy what's happening now.

You're worried about tryouts.

Then the season begins.

You're worried about playing time.

Then you're worried about qualifiers.

Then recruiting.

Then college.

Then suddenly you're watching senior night.

Where did it go?

Take pictures.

Laugh in the hotel.

Enjoy the team dinner.

Watch warm-ups sometimes without evaluating anything.

Listen to the girls laughing.

Notice the friendships.

Enjoy the ridiculous tournament mornings.

YOU ARE LIVING THE MEMORIES RIGHT NOW.

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# ONE DAY YOU MAY MISS THE THINGS THAT DRIVE YOU CRAZY TODAY

The 6:30 a.m. wave.

The convention center parking.

The freezing gym.

The folding chair.

The delayed match.

The three-hour drive.

The forgotten kneepads.

The hotel breakfast.

The smell of volleyball shoes in the car.

Right now, some of it feels exhausting.

Someday you may wish you could do one more weekend.

That's youth sports.

It feels endless.

Until it isn't.

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# THE LAST MATCH MAY NOT END THE WAY YOU IMAGINED

Maybe your daughter wins a championship.

Maybe she loses.

Maybe she plays every point.

Maybe she barely gets on the court.

Maybe she knows beforehand that it's her final match.

Maybe she doesn't.

Youth sports don't always provide perfect endings.

That's okay.

The value of the journey isn't determined by the final score.

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# FROM THE SIDELINE

I've spent more than 25 years coaching volleyball.

I've owned clubs.

Built teams.

Worked with families.

Helped athletes pursue college opportunities.

Watched championships.

Watched heartbreaking losses.

I've seen players become incredible volleyball players.

But the older I get, the more I understand something:

THE VOLLEYBALL WAS NEVER THE ONLY THING WE WERE TEACHING.

We were teaching young people how to work.

How to compete.

How to communicate.

How to handle failure.

How to accept accountability.

How to lead.

How to care about teammates.

How to keep going.

How to become independent.

How to do the right thing.

I've watched players I coached grow up.

They became adults.

Professionals.

Spouses.

Parents.

Leaders.

Eventually, nobody cares how many kills they had at 15.

But the person they became still matters.

That's why I believe coaching and parenting through sports carries such an enormous responsibility.

We're not simply helping kids become better volleyball players.

WE'RE HELPING YOUNG PEOPLE PRACTICE BECOMING ADULTS.

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# COACH MIKE DZ'S ADVICE

Parents, keep the goals.

Want her to make the team.

Want her to improve.

Want her to compete.

If she dreams about college volleyball, help her chase it.

Celebrate the wins.

Be disappointed with the losses.

Sports are supposed to matter.

But occasionally zoom out.

Ask yourself:

"WHAT AM I HOPING SHE LEARNS FROM ALL OF THIS?"

If the only answers are:

Scholarship.

Starting position.

National team.

College volleyball.

Championship.

Then we're thinking too small.

Add:

Confidence.

Resilience.

Integrity.

Accountability.

Communication.

Leadership.

Empathy.

Independence.

Courage.

Friendship.

Work ethic.

Perspective.

Now we're developing something that can last much longer than volleyball.

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# YOUR FAMILY CHALLENGE

Sit down with your athlete sometime this season.

Not after a bad tournament.

Not during an argument.

Find a quiet moment.

Ask her:

"WHEN VOLLEYBALL IS OVER SOMEDAY, WHAT DO YOU HOPE YOU'LL TAKE FROM IT?"

Let her answer.

Then tell her what you've already seen volleyball develop in her.

Maybe:

**"You've become more confident."**

**"You've learned how to speak up."**

**"You've become incredibly resilient."**

**"You've learned how to work."**

**"You've become a great teammate."**

**"You've learned how to handle disappointment."**

Then ask one final question:

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN THIS JOURNEY IS OVER?"

That may be one of the most important volleyball conversations your family ever has.

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# KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Every athlete eventually plays her final volleyball match.
• The long-term value of youth sports should extend beyond results, rankings, team placement and recruiting.
• Volleyball can teach athletes how sustained work creates improvement.
• Failure provides opportunities to develop resilience and learn how to respond.
• Accountability means owning what you can control without blaming yourself for everything.
• Athletes can learn how to receive correction without interpreting it as rejection.
• Speaking with coaches helps young athletes practice communicating with adults.
• Responsibility should gradually transfer from parent to athlete.
• Team sports teach young people how to work with people they did not choose.
• Athletes can compete intensely without resenting their competitors.
• Volleyball gives young people opportunities to experience and manage pressure.
• Leadership develops through everyday behaviors, not merely titles.
• Integrity is built through repeated small decisions.
• Sports can help athletes develop empathy for teammates experiencing different struggles.
• Courage often appears in ordinary moments: asking questions, trying again, admitting mistakes and competing despite uncertainty.
• Parents should consider what they want their children to remember about their behavior during the volleyball years.
• An athlete's performance should never determine the security of the parent-child relationship.
• Families should enjoy the present instead of spending the entire journey preparing for the next milestone.
• Youth sports often feel endless until suddenly they're over.
• The final result does not determine the value of the entire experience.
• The greatest return on youth volleyball may be the person who walks away when the playing days are finished.

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SOMEDAY SHE WILL TAKE OFF THE JERSEY

The gym will eventually become quiet.

The tournament schedule will disappear from your calendar.

The volleyball bag won't sit by the front door.

There won't be another practice to drive to.

No next tournament.

No next tryout.

No next season.

And your daughter will walk into the next part of her life.

She won't be carrying the trophies.

She won't be carrying the rankings.

She won't be carrying the starting lineup.

She'll be carrying herself.

Hopefully volleyball helped build someone who knows how to:

Work.

Compete.

Fail.

Recover.

Communicate.

Lead.

Care.

Take responsibility.

Stand up for herself.

Support others.

Handle hard things.

And keep moving forward.

If it did...

then regardless of where she played, how many matches she started, what team she made, or whether she ever played in college—

THE JOURNEY WAS WORTH IT.

Because eventually we're all trying to develop something much bigger than volleyball players.

WE'RE TRYING TO HELP DEVELOP PEOPLE.